Original Articles

Q&A with an ordinary Pakistani – by Nadeem Khan

It has been an honor to have today a simple and honest, I bet, Pakistani with us. Let’s hear him and try to understand the conditions, situations, turmoil, achievements, developments of this unique great nation, now very popular in the world. Our guest is a simple, honest Pakistani but have a deep insight on the current affairs, internal affairs, economics, social and geo-political situations of the country. Let’s hear from him what he thinks about his country.

– I would like to ask how do you think about Pakistan.

Hello there…..Pakistan is amongst few very brave nations that had/have/will have quintessence of every thing in her possession. We will live forever like this, I believe.

– Now that’s exaggeration, we know the contrary truth, what does Pakistan have, answer me specifically?

We have renowned political leaders, philosophical thinkers, think tanks and oil tankers, rivers, dams, deserts, minerals of all kinds, oil, a lot of fertile soil and all food cash crops, and we export them and then import them at high rates; we also have youth 52%, well educated, who listen to western music.

– How many religions does your country bear ?

Hundreds

– How, I think USA and India have the largest mix? Name the religions?

Islam and thousands of its sects, beliefs and cults. [Non-Muslims are intruders; they don’t belong here]

– Do you live peacefully with this?

Yes, we just kill each other each day, each month in a year, every year, occasionally just to keep the belief high and population graph low.

– Who controls each and every sect, belief and cult?

Free Molvis (bearded / unbearded mullahs)

– Got to have huge force of Free Molvis?

No, not much

– How many then?

We have one Free Molvi in one mosque, with two supporting free molvis for administration and operations

– How many mosques?

One in each street of a sector of a division of a city

– Who controls this huge quantity of free Molvis?

People of their own sects and cult, they support, control and sometimes beat the hell out of them to bring the molvi back on track. Free molvis leave their seats when they die and they die when they get old usually and they get old after 80, usually.

– It exceeds the quantity of the marines count in USA forces.
– Are you people really extremists or terrorist as the world knows?

No we are not we just do what our able bodied molvis tell us. They are morally upright geniuses you know and have complete command over religion, science and current affairs.

– What is any elected government tenure in your country ?

It is two years, those who pull it over two years are considered lethal for democracy

– How many elections Pakistan has yet experienced ?

Since birth after every two years. We are democratic people and like to vote and select after every two years

– You had martial laws for almost 28 years since your existence?

Well, yes but Martial Laws are the part of democratic processes; we consider martial law as an ablution and abolition process of political forces as and when desired. In this way our political figures gets the right to talk about something when they don’t have anything to talk about in favor of democracy. So please, don’t consider martial laws as un-democratic. According to the constitution of Pakistan, every body has the equal right to rule a democratic country. Choosing the timings to rule will be their prerogative. It is the Government of the army people, for the people, by the people.

– That’s the most @#%~”*unusual definition
– So usually why Army chose to rule out of nowhere?

Not nowhere, we use to invite them unceremoniously when our politicians start investing the country’s capital in lucrative projects outside Pakistan, so they jump in to get the remains.

– Has any one ever been punished for such ’investments’ ?

Punishment is a total undemocratic way of treating political elected leaders against the norms of reconciliation and free justice. They sacrifice a lot to reach up here. Some lose their lives, some stay in jails, some get exiles, why on earth should they be punished because they are elected by votes and heavy mandates.

– What do you mean by heavy mandates?

Out of 170 million, they easily secure 5~10% of the population votes and according to the history and the acting government’s assertion, this is a heavy mandate.

– Well that is peanut, you know… this is not a heavy mandate?

Yes it is that’s what they keep on saying and proving, that’s the democracy of Pakistan and the remaining 90-95% voters are punished for not voting by the acting governments by price hikes and taxes. Yes they gift the 5-10% with jobs, houses and money.

– Do you have any Judicial System?

Yes we do, we use to fight every year to get one and we get one all the time and they change the constitution for us.

– So how you remove the army from the political hot seats?

We don’t have to, they leave themselves when nothing is left to rule, we like army, they are good people, they come and go.

– How many political parties you have?

Few hundred and during elections they all join hands and form two party alliance for easy identification for the people of Pakistan. If the main party is defeated, the party candidates split up again and start to market their own old individual parties for future heavy mandates.

– What kind of politicians do you have?

Well that is a tough question and there would be a long list of comments. I’ll be specific, the list below are immune to death, arrest, judicial inquiry of any sort, allegations, indictment, etc.

We have a variety of politicians, old, very old, some operate from their death beds, young, rich, poor (After the tenure, the rich gets richer and poor gets rich and public gets poorer), some are industrialists and they start installing more industries after the tenure.

Some are landlords and they start cultivation their newly acquired lands after the tenure. Some are religious Pirs, Gillanis, Syed, Makhdoms, Sardars, Hajis, etc. They all resume their religious duties of getting the toes kissed and enjoy head bowings, after the tenure. They are responsible for the religious upbringing and service of their realm. But they are very democratic as they always gets elected. They all enjoy tax exemptions for life personally and in their businesses as well as rebates and subsidies for life.

There are religious parties as well, don’t know why we call them religious parties, may be mostly party members wear beards on their faces and some say the prayers, that’s it.

Some are ethnic parties, who use their regional language as their party slogan and make anthems in it, some uses their family casts as their party slogans, some get some votes and seats in the elections and never return to their native regions, and never found singing their original anthems, don’t know why?

Some parties form and vow for the uprising of justice and they protest right in front of our courts and beat the hell out of acting judges and lawyers for the uphold of law and justice. They can never be prosecuted as they are the true bearers of justice.

We love the above politicians that’s why we keep on voting them. All the above politicians have very hard skins and their courage is admirable. After all the humiliations, failures, jibes, jails, exiles, beatings by the public, etc they keep on coming into the arena with a new vigor and enthusiasm and gets into any government.

The aim of every party is the same to come in power, serve they say, enjoy it, earn money, make PR, make contacts for future, make some foreign visits, drive costly bullet proof cars, enjoy a security entourage and salutes, make handsome bank balances, transfers them to swiss accounts, start some businesses in other countries, select a place in European countries to live, always ready to move out with packed bags and briefcases and immediately after the government takeover, leave Pakistan and move to that house in foreign states and return back when new elections are announced.

– Oh God…What kind of bureaucracy you have?

Well they are the selected few. Hard to create, cream out of puffs, carved out of the best metal, polished and shinned like tinsel. They are very well educated, groomed, trained. They have the power to ‘No’ to the orders of politicians and that is how they rule over them. They have got governmental level immunity to every thing as they always put the politicians in front of them for every act they do. Behind the corruption of one politician, there could be 10~20 bureaucrate involved, but poor politician gets arrested and humiliated in front of public and media only due to his fake matriculation degree, money laundering and bureaucracy take a clean get away after selling a whole fleet of sea destroyer. That is not right isn’t it. We got to fight against it in next revolution.

-Why don’t you crush this corruption mafia, in your religion a thief is liable to be prosecuted by severing his hands, so why don’t you?

I don’t think so that they are corrupt at all, if this is really corruption and if we follow the teachings of Islam, out of 170 million we will be left with only around 20 Million population may be a little less for the development process of this great nation.

– What about 20 Million left, they can develop the nation to heights you want?

No the remaining 20 million are those who have never been given a chance to do as the above 150 Million and are looking for an opportunity. Survival for the fittest.

– What kind of education system you have?

Well unique in the world. Government spend hundreds of rupees on education sector. We have thousands of qualified PhDs in all the known sciences and masters in applied fields duly educated in foreign countries but they never came back home. Our education system is highly approved and classified. We teach our children how the west was won, how America was discovered, by whom and why and how Romeo got acquainted with Juliet. We don’t teach Iqbal any more, because he talks in Persian and in very tough obsolete urdu kind of language not known to us now. Yes we have started translating Iqbal in to English for better understanding for our generations to come so that they make our nation’s future bright. This way, we have successfully achieved almost 12%~15% literacy rate which is highest amongst many big African countries like Somalia, Ethiopia, etc. Out of this percentage we have successfully achieved 1~2% of English speaking and writing scholars who controls the whole scenario with dexterity.

We leave basic religious education to the molvis as they are good at it and doing excellent service to mankind as told you above some time ago. They teach the principals of Islam to young ones and create a good society of more pious generation of young molvis. With their far fetched knowledge over current affairs every day science, politics, international affairs, they print books on their high thoughts and beliefs from the contribution of their followers and distribute them all over the country without asking any grant or approvals from governments. They are preparing the masses to fight against the ‘Illimunati’ in near future.

– Lets talk about whatever development you have in your country… Why are you a developing nation since last 63 years?

No, Pakistan is a well developed nation. We have developed a nuclear bomb. We are manufacturing cycles, ceiling fans and water pumps as well. When rest of the things can be bought from China and Taiwan why build it in Pakistan. So we have less industries and open lands and spaces. We have developed golf courses in these open lands and housing colonies. We have developed techniques to maintain the natural echo system and stop the poisonous polluted sewerage water to go into the rivers by putting it lose on roads and in town streets to keep river’s echo integrity is maintained at safe levels. This we do with out being a signatory in Kyoto protocol.

– Lets talk about some economy?

Yes we have a good economy, as told you earlier we always pay taxes and zakat (its an extra tax… or tax is extra than zakat….) well, we pay taxes and zakat both and enjoy a good GDP every year and then we cover up the deficit by obtaining loans from IMF. Every year every government confirms that they have eliminated the deficit and we are in surplus and they use the surplus in development of golf courses, polo grounds and provide entertainment to the masses. We export crops and footballs and we import ammunitions and machinery to build ammunition.

– If there is a good economy in your country then why prices of utilities and daily items are so high and you keep on asking for loans from IMF and WB?

It is pretty complex for you to understand, it is all about demand and supply. When the demand of sugar is increased we export all the sugar to foreign countries for safe custody and when the prices of sugar are increased to an extent we import and buy back sugar again at a higher value. All our democratically elected politicians have their own sugar and floor mills for the poor and they control a very responsible demand and supply level of sugar, floor and other items within the country for poor population.

– What about the Zakat money, where did it go?

To the most needy within the department of the zakat and Ushr

– You are experiencing a worst power shortage crisis?

Not really, we cover it with load shed. In last decade, India being a poor nation had energy crisis and with the consent of our Pakistani leaders of last decade, they started building dams on our rivers for water and electricity generation. Our leaders have a great heart and to provide equal opportunity of co-existence and reconciliation, we stopped every project of power generation in our country since last two decades. But we will get through this in no time as we have started negotiating with power generating companies and will make up arrangements in next couple of decades.

– Don’t you think power generation in next couple of decades is too much a time and till then your own development will go down to zero ?

No we will survive, as we did in last 63 years. We will develop again before NIBIRU hit the earth.

For development, previously IMF and WB used to provide loans to Pakistan for the development but after looking at the trend of foreign bank transfers from Pakistan to swiss banks, Saudi Arabian Banks and other bank accounts in the world by our democratic parties, they have changed their strategy of giving governmental loans. They just transfer the loan amounts directly to the bank accounts of democratic leaders in foreign bank accounts and in return our leaders provide them full liberty to personally develop our nation as per the aspirations of the people. This is how our ‘per capita income and per capita corruption’ rate equates thus leveling and canceling each others effect.

– Talk about democracy?

It is a good gesture and internationally renowned practice, we have democratic political parties, the parties amongst themselves are very democratic, they always nominate their brothers, sons, sisters, daughters, son in laws, brother in laws, father in laws and mother in laws, uncles, uncle in laws, aunties, aunty in laws, phuppies, phuppy in laws, khalas, chachies, etc the right to chair the party. They are all linked by law. All the various party candidates arrange inter-marriages within other parties so their brother, sons, sisters, daughters, son in laws, brother in laws, father in laws and mother in laws, uncles, aunties, phuppies, khalas, chachies, must always remain in power under law all the time in any form of government. All the above keep on fighting for democracy and the legacy they think they carry. Like PPP is always fighting for the legacy of Bhutto who created PPP. PML is always fighting for the legacy of Quaid-e-Azam, as they say. There could be dozens of PML in the country and they keep on debating with each other that they are the true heirs of Quaid-e-Azam. They will find the truth soon.

– What is the legacy of PPP?

Z.A. Bhutto created it and BB kept his legacy alive and high, then after BB, Zardari kept the legacy of BB high and don’t know how Bilawal will keep up the legacy of Zardari as he must have the knowledge of accounts, finance, commissions, banking, money transfers, apart from country management and political techniques. So that fact is yet to see, how Bilawal will take care of all the techniques of Zardari’s legendary legacy apart from the legacies of Bhutto and BB. Poor soul Bilawal have a lot of burden of legacies and practices. PPP follows the reconciliation policy.

– What is the legacy of PMLN?

Zia Ul Haq created it. They are die hard fans for Quaid e Azam, so they say. That’s why Nawaz tried to become a sole leader of muslim Ummah but failed otherwise he would have turned Pakistan into an religious industrial and nuclear state. An army officer toppled his government and some honorable foreign aid providing sheikhs picked him up. Now he is in Pakistan again with the legacy of Quaid e Azam and his brothers, sisters, sons, son in laws, brother in laws, father in laws and mother in laws, uncles, aunties, phuppies, khalas, chachies, all are in the politics and serving the country. They all are great leaders as they all own sugar, steel and floor mills, and foreign company bank accounts.

– What is the real meaning of the word reconciliation you used. ?

Reconciliation means live and let live. Earn and let earn, patience and let patience prevail. Let us have it all and wait for your turn. Sometimes let us all earn for an indefinite time. In this way we all, son, daughters, sisters, brother in laws, father in laws and mother in laws, uncles, aunties, phuppies, khalas, chachies, will survive and will keep on serving the nation for all eternity for democracy.

– Have any party ever done something good for the country, for you?

Yes they always do, we are free to give vote to any of the above two parties, only. They have led us to this far don’t they and they survived every turmoil. That is democracy. We all believe in reconciliation.

– I mean have any party done something good economically for you and country?

Yes they are democratic parties and they have done so much for the country as few have got their leaders assassinated, jailed and exiled, but they keep on coming back with new vigor for democracy. When the oil prices go high we have to bear the burden of price hike.

– Please be clear, I want to ask is there any real contribution of these parties in your every day lif?

Yes, they are democratic parties and that fact is daily reminded to us. Thanks to them we enjoy democracy and respected in the world as such.

– I……think……… I got the idea what you are trying to tell me, they just keep on uttering same vague song of democracy all the time without doing any thing concrete?

No I am just trying to tell you the truth of our democratic parties and the contribution they have made to overcome the upheavals of non-democratic times due to their sacrifices.

– How can you live like this?

We are just waiting for a democratic revolution that these parties will bring someday and every thing will be alright and Pakistan will become a heaven.

– OK one last question… are you willing to live like this for ever, as if you don’t do any thing against this, you will keep on suffering the mother of all worst?

No we are happy as long as our molvis say that we must always be patient on whatever things we are left with. Patience is the treasure we must have forever and someday we will be in heaven.

Bye and may God help you, but I don’t know how, anyways, good luck, but I don’t know how again.