Original Articles

r3v0LuT!0n: the Pakistan style! – by Ali Suleman


r3v0LuT!0n says :  Hey!  

Revolusion says: Hello!

r3v0LuT!0n says: Wana chat?

Revolusion says: Yeah, sure. ASL?

r3v0LuT!0n says: 19, Male, Pakistan. You?

Revolusion says: 23, Male, Libya.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Oh, you’re actually from Libya? That’s so cool man! I got to know about the revolution you guys are doing there like Egypt. It’s so impressive!

Revolusion says: Well, thanks man. Hope we get rid of Gaddafi this time.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Ya, my sincere wishes are with the Libyan people. You know what? We wana do the same here in Pakistan! Can you guide me through it?

Revolusion says: Umm… sure, but what kind of guidance you want to take?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Like, what should I do for a revolution?

Revolusion says: I didn’t quite get that.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Let’s say I want to bring a revolution in Pakistan like Libya. So, what should I do for that? How do I start?

Revolusion says: Well, I can tell you how it happened in Libya. Situation in Pakistan might be different. I’m not much aware about it. Who’s the leader there?

r3v0LuT!0n says: It’s the monster called Asif Ali Zardari!

Revolusion says: Oh right, so how many decades has it been since he’s in power?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Well, it’s been three years. Since 2008.

Revolusion says: Um… okay. Is he a revolutionary, like Gaddafi? I mean, did he come by a coup?

r3v0LuT!0n says: No.

Revolusion says: Then?

r3v0LuT!0n says: He was elected by the parliament.

Revolusion says: Parliament?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Ah yes, we have this parliamentary democracy here. We elect parliamentarians and then they elect the prime minister and the president. You don’t have a parliament?

Revolusion says: Well no. That’s what we’re trying to bring the revolution for. We want democracy. The right to elect our own leaders!

r3v0LuT!0n says: Oh right. Good luck for that!

Revolusion says: Thanks.

r3v0LuT!0n says: So, how do I bring revolution?

Revolusion says: Well… when did you have your last general elections?

r3v0LuT!0n says: In 2008. You?

Revolusion says: 1965.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Err… well, okay. You know here even our Opposition is included in the ruling coalition! Who will stand up for our rights now?

Revolusion says: What’s Opposition?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Umm… well, you have a government party and you have an opposition party, who’s against the government party.

Revolusion says: What do you mean by party?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Political party! What else?

Revolusion says: Okay. We don’t even have political parties in Libya.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Eh? But why?

Revolusion says: We aren’t allowed.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Man! Okay.

Revolusion says: Does your president support global terrorist organizations openly?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Never. He supports America, the biggest global terrorist ever!

Revolusion says: Well, Gaddafi supports banned terrorist organizations. His statements have been on record.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Hmm… So… how do I bring the revolution here? I am too enthusiastic you see! My status also demands “revolution”!

Revolusion says: Okay, thanks for informing. I initially thought it was some funny programming language. About the revolution, first you can gather a non-government force.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Like an NGO?

Revolusion says: NGO? What’s that?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Non-Government Organization, man!

Revolusion says: Oh yeah! They’re allowed here! But only if their ideology is in support to Gaddafi.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Oh! Well, anyway…

Revolusion says: Does your president Asif controls the Judiciary in Pakistan too? Like the government does here?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Well, no. It’s a separate institution here. It’s independent.

Revolusion says: Cool! Do you guys have freedom of speech, press, assembly and association there?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Yes of course. We have the right in our Constitution! But the laws aren’t implemented, you see.

Revolusion says: What’s constitution?

r3v0LuT!0n says: It’s the book with all the major laws written in it.

Revolusion says: Oh, right, I got that. Asif wrote that?

r3v0LuT!0n says: No, the parliament did. Why? Don’t you guys have a constitution?

Revolusion says: Well, we have a Green Book.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Is it green in colour?

Revolusion says: Yes. It’s our legal document.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Written by the parliament?

Revolusion says: No. By Gaddafi.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Well, okay.

Revolusion says: You said you guys have all the freedom in your constitution, right? What’s your rating by Freedom House?

r3v0LuT!0n says: I don’t know that. I can google it, wait! Oh here it is! Political rights = 4, civil liberties = 5, freedom rating = partly free! See? I told you we’ve got laws but they aren’t implemented! Our state of affairs are so pathetic! What are your ratings by the way?

Revolusion says: Political rights = 7, civil liberties =7, freedom rating = not free.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Awwhh… That’s not good man.

Revolusion says: That’s more than not good dude.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Hmmm… righto! So… how do I bring revolution?

Revolusion says: Can I ask you a question?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Ya sure man.

Revolusion says: Why exactly do you want to bring revolution?

Revolusion says: Hello?

r3v0LuT!0n says: We don’t want Zardari in power!

Revolusion says: But why don’t you?

Revolusion says: Are you there?

r3v0LuT!0n says: Ah… you won’t understand! You’re not a Pakistani, you see.

Revolusion says: Well, man, to be very serious, that’s really something only a Pakistani could understand! I’ve got to go. See ya.

r3v0LuT!0n says: Nevermind.

r3v0LuT!0n changed his status to I_L0v3_s3L3nA_G0m3Z.

Source : The News

About the author

Humza Ikram


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