Original Articles

Ridiculing Imran Khan’s revolutionary? The joke is on you, mates! – by Maula Bux Thadani

Related articles: Let’s have a revolution in Pakistan: Yeh, Yeh, Yeh! A conversation with Raid Shamat and Sasha Sham-me – by Razzak Memon The Civil Society Bulletin – by Abbas Baloch One of Pakistan’s renowned social commentators, Nadeem Paracha wrote this about the lawyers ‘movement’ nearly three years ago:

The truth is, had the “civil society” reacted the same way against all the Fazaluulahs and Abdul Rashids, the Hamid Guls and the Shahid Masoods as it is does against Benazir Bhutto or Musharraf, I would have been more than glad to join their great crusade. But it can’t. Because to me, this crusade, in which I see the lawyers, the democrats, the extremists and the liberals hurled desperately together on the same boat, is a boat being captained by a skewed bourgeois mentality concocted from pieces of religious confusion, splinters of paranoia, chunks of hypocrisy, twists of naivety and most of all, a happily full stomach.

Today, we came across a very interesting video clip about an Imran Khan’s supporter vying for a fast track revolution to free one convicted US citizen, Aafia Siddiqui and hang another US citizen, Raymond Davis, who was freed by our ‘independent’ judiciary.   This video clip has gone viral on Facebook and Twitter and this burger “revolutionary” has become a laughing stock.  Many civil society types are also having fun at his expense, as evidenced by their comments and distribution of this video.  The irony that this boy and his friends were also likely to have been part of the so called Lawyer’s Movement seems to have escaped many of our Fake Civil Society. Their views are as shallow and delusional as the elitest protestor in the video.  As recently as two years ago, youngsters like him who followed Imran Khan and Aitzaz were part of that movement to restore compromised and corrupt judges as were the leading luminaries of Fake Civil society.  Like him, they aligned themselves with such regressive and misogynist elements like Jamaat Islami and Sipah Sahaba. In general and barring the odd exception,  these civil society types are not very different from the boy in the video.  When they protest the killings of Salman Taseer and Shahbaz Bhatti, they can go no further than lashing out at the PPP.  They do not have the moral integrity to ever call out the security establishment’s patronizing of violent militia groups as a cornerstone of foreign and domestic policy.  It is the bitter result of these destructive policies that has claimed the lives of these two PPP loyalists and tens of thousands of other Pakistanis. They can never call out chauvinist opposition parties like PML N for their support of violent sectarian groups.  They lack the decency to hold their beloved Ayatullah Choudhary to account for releasing the leaders of the most dangerous Taliban affiliated outfits such as Hafiz Saeed of LeT.   The same Hafiz Saeed is in the forefront in whipping up hatred and bigotry and is one of the leaders of the Pro Blasphemy rallies along with Imran Khan’s PTI, PML N and now MQM! Parties like MQM will rarely be held to account for their two-faced policy of presenting themselves as secular but scuttling any initiative to de-link parochial ethnic politics from religious extremism. In their mass delusions, ostrich mentality and intellectual dishonesty, our civil society is not very different from the elitest protestor. Rather they are worst.  The boy is still young and might still become aware of the larger issues that beset the country and that protests are never a pleasant affair.  However, can the same be said of our civil society and their patrons and comrades of the Lawyer’s “Movement”; the strident Taliban allies and “pro-democracy” luminaries such as Gen. Hamid Gul, Roedad Khan and “human rights activist”, Tahira Abdullah?

About the author

Ali Arqam

18 Comments

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  • Sigh, Maulvi sahab, we recognised this when it was happening. Had a massive argument with a friend over his support for PTI. This is news for those who don’t care for objective reality, but love receiving the marketting directed at them.

  • The Establishment’s B team: the PPP

    Posted by Samad Khurram

    May 9, 2008

    By Samad Khurram and Aqil Sajjad

    5/9/2008

    PPP sympathisers complain about the mysterious “Establishment” and their alleged role in destroying democracy in Pakistan for decades now. The Establishment, as defined by them, is a collection of dark, mystifying hands that apparently have many vested interests in upholding the status quo. This inexplicable group comprises rich army officers, the intelligence agencies and foreign hands who scheme together for their own economic and geo-strategic interests. To support this argument, examples of the Mullah-Military Alliance from the 1980s are repeated. The Establishment supposedly destroys institutions, murders politicians, blackmails judges and leaders, and sustains the Military Inc.
    One major threat to the Establishment’s hold would be an independent judiciary – a judiciary that will not bow down to pressure, sticks or carrots. Historically, many verdicts of our courts were not independent but extorted by threats and intimidation. Judges had regularly fallen victim to blackmail and “sex tapes” and received dictations from the Establishment. Judges who were bold enough not to obey the whims of the Establishment were conveniently removed.

    ………..

    http://teeth.com.pk/blog/2008/05/09/the-establishments-b-team-the-ppp

    —————

    Shaheryar Ali’s comments on Samad Khurram’s article which was also published by Pak Tea House:

    sherryx
    May 18, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    First know what is “establishment”, Perhaps ask Homi Bhaba at Harvard! we are talking bout one of the classical Post-colonial neo fascist states here [One of the original 4 or 5 which made the bases of this theory of Eqbal Ahmad] . Judiciary in this state is part of the “establishment”, when they cant play directly through Khaki they have always used Judiciary to check the emerging democratic forces, the 90s is a classical example, Pakistan’s largest democratic party cant be a “B” team, its contradiction in terms.

    The last 8 years of Political mess in Pakistan represents a war between the sections of a dying neo fascist state, an “autophagy” of the sort between sections of establishment, the split between the “Islamist-ziaist” section and the “Pro Musharaf, pragmatic” section of establishment. From red mosque to fata its establishment vs establishment. The section which was rolled back is now re asserting itself with their traditional allies , the Right. The mantra of democracy on lips of General Hameed Gul, Roidad Khan [ vangaurds of ISI- funding election cells of 90, petition of Asghar Khan pending before Supreme Court which Justice Iftikhar forgot to take notice of!!!] and Qazi Hussein Ahmad is lecture of establishment who want the clock turned back to 90s, the Jihadi era .

    Look at the composition, from PNA of 77 to 88′s IJI to APDM , why same faces join together, in 77 it was Nizam e Mustafa [for which the secular Left too joined hands,] in 88 it was to stop Indian agents and now its restoration of judiciary, these unique right left alliances are signature interventions of Pakistani establishment, to quote Hussein Haqqani its IJI de ja vu. Restoration of Judiciary is same stunt as Nizam e Mustafa, once control is gained these slogans will disappear just as Nizam e Mustafa disappeared after 77.

    A party which has consistent grass level support in all federal units of Pakistan , the only party to have such support cant be judged on one act of trade union slogan of restoration of sacked comrades, its simply a negation of history . Especially since PPP’s manifesto doesnt say a single line about restoration. People will judge them in next elections.

    http://pakteahouse.net/2008/05/18/the-establishments-b-team-the-ppp/

  • Ayesha Tammy Haq in praise of Geo TV, lashing out at the PPP and Zardari:

    APRIL 06, 2009

    PAKISTAN: THE PRESS PUSHES BACK AGAINST THE ZARDARI GOV’T (Q&A)

    [A guest post by Maha Atal, who works for Forbes and blogs here.]

    Once a week, I go to my grandmother’s apartment to watch Pakistani TV stations via satellite. Like many Pakistani-American families, we have spent the past two years glued to our screens as lawyers, politicians and citizens agitated for the restoration of the judiciary, disbanded by then-President Pervez Musharraf in 2007. Meanwhile, just as Pakistanis were tuning in, Musharraf and his civilian successors increased regulation of the televised and print media. Journalists ventured onto new media platforms and my mother and I spent many hours following the protests on news websites like GEO.tv, and when these too were restricted, on social media platforms like YouTube. Sometimes, we saw content from activists who used the web to promote their cause; sometimes, we saw journalists wander into the fray to cover it, and occasionally, to insert themselves into the protests. Now that the Chief Justice and the judiciary system have been restored, I asked Ayesha Tammy Haq, host of 24Seven on BusinessPlusTV what the convergence means for Pakistan’s Fourth Estate.

    SAJAforum: In some sense, there have been two protest movements underway here, one to free the judiciary and one to free the press. But the line between them is pretty thin, since many journalists have been active cheerleaders of and participants in the lawyers’ marches and rallies. Can you describe how this happened?

    HAQ: When this started [in November 2007], an independent press was a relatively new phenomenon in Pakistan. We didn’t have a formal code of conduct yet. The journalists and young reporters who went out to cover the movement were sympathetic as they saw it as a force for change. The clampdown on the press brought them in to direct confrontation with the state hence their active role [in the events covered].

    So the press became fairly partisan. During the marches, the producers would keep the frame tight so they never showed gaps in the crowd. People were killed in the streets in Karachi, but the media never showed the bad side.

    The Daily Times did a whole series about whether the movement should be transitionist or transformationist. They became active participants not because they were marching with the lawyers but by using [their coverage] to shape government policy and saw this as their role. It was a conceptual movement.

    Is there any concern about journalists giving up their objective stance to become newsmakers?

    HAQ: There is now a big concern about journalists giving up their objective stance because both Musharraf and the civilian governments have attacked the press on this point. The new Information Minister Qamaruz Kaira had a press conference saying there now needs to be press regulation.

    Has the censorship situation varied at all under Zardari and Gilani as compared to Musharraf?

    HAQ: The government in general has a short fuse as far as the media is concerned. They tolerate it for their first five minutes, while coming to power. Still, it’s sad to hear people in media say “Even Musharraf wasn’t this bad.” They’re wrong. He strangled GEO-TV, and these guys may threaten GEO but they haven’t taken it off the air. Memories are short. [SAJAforum note: in March transmission of GEO was blocked by cable operators, apparently at the direction of the Zardari government.]
    What thoughts do you have on the many new startups that have arisen in spite, or in response to the censors, like GEO?

    HAQ: GEO is under attack because it launched campaigns explicitly to bring down the government, as opposed to the lawyers’ movement that has no intention of bringing down the government. After the marches the lawyers disperse. Of course, GEO hasn’t shown anything that isn’t true.

    To what extent has this outpouring of media helped to create political pressure on government to tackle the judicial issue? What has the judicial issue and the media issue done to the PPP’s political position?

    HAQ: The issue is, the People’s Party (PPP) has never faced a free press, because the press really emerged under the Musharraf years. At the outset, the People’s Party was with the lawyers’ movement as was the PLM-N, really everyone but [the Karachi-based party] the MQM. The PPP used it to negotiate themselves back into the political scene, and then dumped it.

    [PLM-N leader] Nawaz Sharif came back to Pakistan without so much as a campaign slogan and he took this movement of “an independent judiciary” as a campaign slogan. The result is that Nawaz Sharif now has the strongest political hand in the country now because he’s actually delivered on an election pledge where the PPP, who actually won the election, hasn’t given anyone a roti yet.

    Yet the press and Nawaz Sharif are not natural allies.

    HAQ: Any serious journalist, most are pro-PPP, and they can’t ever think of going with Nawaz Sharif politically. But the PPP is not their party, anymore. In a way, they are almost all disenfranchised.

    What about the resignation of Sherry Rehman, the information minister, over the censorship of GEO? Are the PPP’s problems with the press endangering their political power?

    HAQ: The problem is that the PPP is the most non media-savvy party in Pakistan. They do not seem to realize that the way we do politics has changed, that media has changed, that it’s not two channels and that whenever you do something, everyone knows because it’s live on satellite. Sherry Rehman was trying to deal with this problem and unfortunately the party can’t change.

    The PPP needs to grow up. The press is quite happy to help them.

    –Interview by Maha Atal

    http://www.sajaforum.org/2009/04/draft-pakistan-the-press-pushes-back-against-the-government.html

  • Where is Ahsan Butt of Five Paisas hiding?

    He had written:

    http://asiancorrespondent.com/48871/an-entertaining-theory-on-raymond-davis/

    Anyway, the PPP government is obviously in a bit of a pickle over this. There are basically no good options and only bad options. Just look at the way they treated two senior members of their own party and cabinet recently: Shah Mahmood Qureshi said Davis doesn’t have full diplomatic immunity, and then he got fired. Fauzia Wahab said Davis does have immunity, and then she got fired. Call me crazy, but those two positions seem to exhaust the universe of possibilities here. And it seems the PPP is opposed to both of them, poor guys.

    Dare you not oppose the sharia law in Raymond Davis case! – by Fawad Manzoor

    http://criticalppp.com/archives/42821

  • FiveRupees Five Rupees (via Twitter)
    Here’s the open thread on Bhutto, would love to hear people’s thoughts
    http://bit.ly/eiYfAA All except LUBP types welcome.
    11 Mar

    …………

    It is the typical mean spirited and one-sided introduction. And his discomfort with LUBP stems from the following critiques where LUBP deconstructed Ahsan Butt’s rubbish:

    http://criticalppp.com/archives/27177

    http://criticalppp.com/archives/27465

    There is a strong element of pettiness, viciousness and hypocrisy about such useless posts like the current one at 5 paisas. These people portray themselves as false neutral, yet never have the integrity to utter a word of criticism for urban fascist parties.

    My advice is that LUBP should ignore such debates. By attending his silly website, one may contribute to unnecessary web attendance.

    We must not add to their traffic and must not waste our time by participating in intentionally dishonest analyses.

    Let’s remain focused on the big fish; their shoe-lickers are only there to distract us.

    ………

    Also, the following link offers a rare, honest insight into the mindset of the civil society sympathizers of the ppp:

    http://asiancorrespondent.com/35895/zulfiqar-bhutto-jr-can-so-kick-bilawal-bhutto-zardaris-ass/

    this shows that all the arguements about “dynastic rule” are really dishonest deflections, nothing else.

    I get fits of laughter when I see urban businessmen and corporate employees criticizing dynastic politics, however, corporatization of businesses is very limited. Wherever it is corporate, they choose to remain limited. The reason why keep it private is to ensure family control over businesses and to possibly evade taxes.

  • AbdulNishapuri
    One stooge says Mumtaz Qadri was a lone wolf, the other stooge says Taseer killed by others in Police van. How many more stooges in #FCS

    NadeemfParacha Nadeem F. Paracha
    Qadri killed Punjab Governor in his own capacity says head of probe
    team. Must be probing their own navels.

    shehrbanotaseer Shehrbano Taseer
    Taseer family slams Urooj Zia’s imaginative reporting
    http://bit.ly/ebpozr This is why I hate media trials, reporters lust
    for 5mins of fame

    ….

    I find inaccurate facts here:

    http://www.uroojzia.com/work/?p=819

    An accurate rebuttal might help, and would be for the best 🙂

    More to Taseer’s assassination than Mumtaz Qadri | Urooj Zia
    http://www.uroojzia.com
    Slain Punjab Governor Salmaan Taseer’s assassin Mumtaz Qadri might
    have surrendered a Sub-Machine Gun (SMG) upon arrest, but an assault
    rifle was not the only weapon used in the murder. Moreover, snapshots
    of the murder site, available with Pakistan Today, indicate a
    discrepancy in the number of wounds….

    ……

    an #FCS wannabe columnist was “tasked” by “them”
    to muddy Taseer murder probe. Check her friends and connect the dots.
    …..

    cpyala Cafe Pyala

    So w.r.t. to yesterday’s retweet of Urooj Zia’s piece questioning
    evidence in Taseer murder, the Taseer family strongly denies her

    pyala Cafe Pyala
    Believe the Taseer family has asked Pakistan Today for a full
    retraction for the Urooj Zia piece. Let’s see what PT has to say
    today.
    18 hours ago Favorite Undo Retweet Reply

    cpyala Cafe Pyala
    Taseer family slams report on probe, claims investigation not
    deficient, report misleading, based partly on conjecture
    http://bit.ly/ebpozr

    ……..

    http://www.pakistantoday.com.pk/pakistan-news/National/24-Feb-2011/Taseers-family-slams-report-on-probe

    Staff Report | Published: February 24, 2011 LAHORE – The family of the
    late Punjab governor Salman Taseer, who was assassinated earlier this
    year, expressed shock and anger on Wednesday at comments in a news
    report claiming that it had not made sufficient effort to ensure that
    the investigation of the governor’s assassination was carried out
    properly.
    A source close to the family said that it was deeply upset by the
    comments, and said how it followed up on the investigation was
    entirely the family’s business. The late governor’s family said it was
    wrong to assume that the follow-up was deficient in any way simply
    because the family did not wish to advertise how it was pursuing the
    case. The family reportedly called the report misleading – and felt
    that parts of the story were based on conjecture, the source added

    …………..
    TarekFatah Tarek Fatah
    @
    @GhamidiView @Bolshevik I would give Ghamdi sahib the benefit of doubt. Perhaps u misunderstood him. I cannot imagine him denying evolution

    Razarumi Raza Rumi
    @
    @Bolshevik Look Comrade, he views the world/science/history from a theological angle unlike you; and @smokenfog the avid atheist – FFS

    Bolshevik Urooj Zia
    @
    @Razarumi Yaar I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with lies and spin-doctoring. And he’s been caught outright. @smokenfog

    Razarumi Raza Rumi
    @
    @Bolshevik Understand wht U R saying but thre hs 2 b a perspective. Ghamidi is a voice of sanity & discreditng him will >fascists @smokenfog

    GhamidiView PGV
    @
    @Bolshevik @TarekFatah maam, quoting out of context is a rather poor effort to distract the debate. Please don’t tag me hence forth

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    @Bolshevik you live on ISI’s money, travel by plane, stay in five star hotel, lecture against capitalism, HYPOCRITE @sonamohapatra

    sonamohapatra sona mohapatra
    @
    I don’t agree . Nite. RT @Bolshevik @sonamohapatra Material progress / capitalism strengthens patriarchy. I’m not surprised.

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    RT @MM_992 @tarekfatah is actually deluded. @Bolshevik @ghamidiview @onetoon

    nh_uk NH
    @
    @Bolshevik ur quite often patronizing islam & Muslims

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    @Bolshevik We respect your atheism, why can’t you respect Islam? @nh_uk @asyusuf @rizwan_ahmad

    nh_uk NH
    @
    @Bolshevik thts not a very elaborate response… but if it is the case, then with all due respect, it’s called racism

    MM_992 MM
    @
    @Bolshevik Is it true you’re an ISI agent? Isn’t it a Punjabi organisation?

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    @sonamohapatra Why are you discussing gender with someone who opposed a woman, Benazir Bhutto just like other ISI trolls @Bolshevik

    sonamohapatra sona mohapatra
    @
    @Bolshevik good for you woman ! Its possible that I choose to do the same by talking to them ? Your not been tagged in anycase . Cheers

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    @sonamohapatra I have only a fair demand: would @Bolshevik explain why did she try to muddy the Taseer murder probe? to save who?

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    @Bolshevik was blocked by Ghamidi and previously by Salmaan Taseer family. Why? She is an ISI asset, major sab in Isloo knows @Rizwan_Ahmad

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @
    @sonamohapatra Like @TarekFatah I support @Bolshevik’s right to be a gay but she mustn’t expect @GhamidiView to support her rants @rabayl_m

    sonamohapatra sona mohapatra
    @
    @Bolshevik I believe that more people should ‘engage’ for the simple reason that it spreads the word.So chill.Ur RT’ ing her for a reason ?

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    @sonamohapatra No problem with the fact that @Bolshevik is an atheist and a lesbian, the problem is with her ISI connections @Razarumi

    Rizwan_Ahmad Rizwan Ahmad
    @
    @Bolshevik Thank you for a personal attack. I believe in Darwisnism but not like it’s the end. We have a different opinion and that’s all.

    Bolshevik Urooj Zia
    @
    @Rizwan_Ahmad Your ignorant tweets on Darwinism are a prime example of the #EducationEmergrncy in Pakistan. Jahalet ki hudd.

    Laibaah Laiba Ahmad
    RT @GhamidiView @Bolshevik quoting out of context is a rather poor effort to distract the debate. don’t tag me @Razarumi @owaisz @smokenfog

  • لوگ احتجاج کیوں نہیں کرتے ؟ اس لیہ کہ سارے احتجاج کو مذہبی لوگوں نے ہائی جیک کر لیا ہے ،لوگ مذہبی لوگوں کے ساتھ احتجاج کرنا نہیں چاہتے ہیں .جب بھی کوئی قومی اشو سامنے آتا ہے مذہبی سیاسی ملا دندناتے ہوئے میڈیا پر آجاتے ہیں . اور لوگ پیچھے ہٹ جاتے ہیں ،اس کی ایک مثال عراق جنگ کی ہے جہاں امریکا کے حملے کے بعد قومی جدوجہد کو القاعدہ کے جہاد نے ہائی جیک کر لیا اور القاعدہ اس جنگ میں عوام کی نمائندہ بن گئی جس سے عراق کی لڑائی اور قومی جدوجہد بنے کے بجاے ایک مذہبی جنگ رہ گئی . مصر میں ہونے والا انقلاب صرف اور صرف عوامی تھا پر اس کو بھی مذہبی سیاسی ملاؤں نے ہائی جیک کرنے کی کوشش کی پر ناکامی ہوئے .
    ریمانڈ ڈیوس کا اشو بھی حمید گل اور جماعت اسلامی جیسے مذہبی دہشتگردوں نے ہائی جیک کر لیا جس کی وجہ سے لوگوں کا وہ رد عمل سامنے نہیں آیا .

  • “human rights activist”, Tahira Abdullah?
    i can only laugh on this…lolz…I think she is NAPAK ARMY right activist…

  • Fasi Zaka

    It’s even more amusing to see anchors suddenly turn on the ISI, the PML-N and the army who have orchestrated the release. Which is why the ‘topi drama’ of the military protesting against the drones attacks rings so hollow. Did it just realise now that the drones kill Pakistanis? Is it still impervious to the realisation that some of the drones are fuelled and loaded with missiles in Pakistan?
    The establishment spent years trying to cultivate a public that would be sympathetic to its ideology and beliefs. Well, now they are hostage to the very people whose mindsets they created. Social engineering has a way of exacting a price from those who direct it. If anything, that’s the lesson of the Raymond Davis affair. In the hamaam of Raymond Davis, all stand naked now.

    http://tribune.com.pk/story/136238/fasad-fil-arz-and-fasad/

  • Waiting for the man
    BY NADEEM F. PARACHA ON 03 25TH, 2011 | COMMENTS (4)

    Illustration by Faraz Aamer Khan/Dawn.com
    An interview with a young revolutionary during a revolutionary demonstration in the revolutionary city of Islamabad …

    So, young man, how is the revolution going?

    Revolution not going, sir, it’s coming.

    Are there more people expected at this demonstration?

    There are enough. How many do we need?

    Well, at the moment there are … 1,2,3,4 .. oh, I would say about 77 people maybe? But you’re right. After all, even Lenin thought only a handful of dedicated workers could bring revolution.

    No, no, we have nothing to do with John Lennon!

    I meant Vladimir Lenin, the famous Russian revolutionary.

    Oh, no, no, we’re not into Russians.

    So you’re into Pakistanis?

    Yes, yes, I mean, no, no, I mean, Pakistani men …

    Men?

    No, no, not those kind of men, only men like our leader.

    So you’re into men like your leader?

    Yes …I mean, in a revolutionary sort of a way.

    I see. So are you and your fellow revolutionaries agitating for a revolution or protesting against the release of Raymond Davis?

    We are revolting.

    Oh, I think you all seem decent enough, not revolting at all.

    No, no, we are not decent. We are revolting! We are ready to shed our blood for our leader and revolution, but look what the police are doing to us.

    Police is doing to you what police is supposed to do to young men ready to revolt and to shed blood.

    Yes, but they are pushing us! This is brutality.

    At least they’re not beating you.

    What? They beat people up too?

    Yes, very much so. Sometimes they torture people as well.

    Really? Then how can they expect us to bring revolution?

    But they don’t want you to bring a revolution

    Why not? They all look so poor and sun-burned.

    They are the police!

    Then who will allow us to bring a revolution?

    No one will. You have to fight and bleed for it.

    Like Tupac?

    No, like, let’s say, Che Guevara.

    Our leader is like Guevara.

    Err … your leader is more like a middle-aged Justin Timberlake.

    I love Justin!

    I can see that.

    You can?

    Yes. But I can’t see a Che Guevara in this demonstration.

    Che is dead.

    No kidding.

    I tell you, he is. You should be more informed about things when you interview people like me.

    I’ll try. So, anyone else from your family who’s come to this .. errm … mammoth gathering?

    My whole family is here. But you won’t be able to see them. They do pardah.

    Even the men?

    No, no, only the women, of course.

    Wonder what Che would’ve thought about that?

    Che was a true Muslim.

    He was a communist.

    What’s that?

    That’s what Che was.

    A comma?

    No, a full-stop.

    What are you talking about? Che was a good, ghairatmand Muslim.

    Is that what your leader has been telling you?

    No, I read that somewhere. You see, I read a lot.

    That’s good to know. Where did you read that Che was a Muslim?

    In Mr. Zaid Hamid’s book.

    He wrote that?

    I haven’t reached that part yet.

    So how can you say he wrote that?

    Well, he should. Did you know he also wrote that Sikhs were actually Muslims?

    Yes, I heard him say that. He’s quite a joker, isn’t he?

    No, no, he’s a scholar. Imran Khan sahib, Zaid sahib, Hamid Gul uncle, and aunty Shireen Mazari will bring a revolution with us.

    You forgot to mention Sansar Abbasi…

    What?? Okay, him too.

    … And Justin Timberlake.

    But he’s American! We hate America!

    But you love Justin, remember?

    I am willing to stop listening to Justin for my country.

    Now that, would be brave.

    Thanks.

    So, now that the police are not allowing you to bring a revolution, what do you plan to do?

    We’re thinking of bribing them.

    Bribe the police? But that would be a corrupt act. I thought you were dead against corruption?

    No, we’re not dead. Only Che is dead.

    No, what I meant to say was, that since …

    I know what you meant to say.

    And?

    And we will help these poverty-stricken policemen by giving them money and this way they will not push us.

    So you want to bring a revolution without the cops pushing, beating or arresting you?

    They can’t arrest our women! They do pardah.

    The cops don’t care. If they think the women are causing trouble, they’ll arrest them too.

    Then how will we bring a revolution?

    What about women who do not do the pardah?

    But we are Pakistani.

    Not all Pakistani women do the pardah.

    They must be Christian or Hindu then.

    No, not all Muslim women …

    Are you Christian?

    No. Why?

    You don’t have a beard.

    Well, neither do you, son and neither does your leader.

    (Touches his face and wonders) Hmmm … that’s true. But we should have a beard, shouldn’t we?

    No, not necessarily. It has nothing to do with religion.

    It doesn’t?

    No.

    So there! That’s why our leader doesn’t have a beard …

    But Che Guevara, the communist did and so do Sikhs, and …

    Of course, Sikhs have beards. They’re all Muslim.

    But, of course. How can I not know that? Shame on me. Anyway, I can see some of your comrades are having burgers down there and chilled colas.

    Yes, we’re hungry and hot.

    And not into Russians.

    Only Russian Salad.

    Ha ha.

    Why are you laughing?

    I thought you were being witty.

    No, I’m a very serious.

    With an accent.

    Is that a problem?

    No. Just a slight impediment for a revolutionary with an anti-American image.

    Just because I’m not a comma, doesn’t mean my comrades and I can’t bring a revolution, y’know.

    Oh, of course. So, tell me more about these commas who keep making fun of you?

    They’re just jealous! We are blessed with a great leader, and have this amazing love and passion for our country.

    So do they?

    No they don’t!

    Why do you say that?

    I just know. These commas can’t be trusted. They don’t believe in God.

    Yes, some commas don’t believe in question marks. But not all. Some commas are really semi-colons. By the way, Che was an atheist.

    That’s a lie!

    That’s a fact.

    You’re just bugging me. Stop it or I’ll tell my mom.

    Your mom’s here too?

    No, she’s in Dubai.

    In a pardah?

    No, I mean, yes … sort of.

    Hey, I’m not bugging you. I’m interviewing a great young revolutionary.

    I’m feeling hot.

    Wow.

    No, I mean, it’s really hot today. But I shall brave the sun and the dust for a great cause.

    And the cause is …?

    A revolution!

    Against?

    Corruption … no, today it’s actually against Raymond Davis … or is it for Aafia Siddiqui? Hmmm … let me ask.

    Maybe it’s against terrorism.

    Can’t be. Because there is no terrorism in Pakistan.

    Excuse me?

    What you commas call terrorism, is just our Pakhtun brothers fighting for their honour against Americans!

    That’s a load of lies.

    That’s a load of fact.

    Can you substantiate this with proof?

    Why should I substitute this fact?

    Substantiate, not substitute … never mind.

    You are just against Muslim ummah and our fight to restore the khilafat.

    The what?

    The khilafat.

    In this day and age?

    Yes. We need a pious and brave khalifa.

    And your leader will be that khalifa?

    Why not?

    So this demonstration is for the imposition of a khilafat against Western imperialist pigs?

    That sounds good. Wait, let me write that down. Can you repeat what you just said?

    Sure. I said, ‘thori si joh peeli hai, chori toh nahi ki, oh sheela, oh nazzo, mujhey tum sambhalo, kahein hum gir na parain!’

    That’s a Hindu film song.

    That is an Indian film song.

    It’s about alcohol. What sort of a Muslim are you. Have you no ghairat?

    Why, don’t you watch Indian films as well?

    Well, yes, but I am now ready to sacrifice watching them too.

    I’m impressed.

    Thank you. Now if you would excuse me, I need to plan for a revolution.

    But you still haven’t told me what the revolution is against or about?

    Errm … err … let me ask (starts dialing number on his cell phone).

    Whom are you calling?

    My mom!

    http://blog.dawn.com/2011/03/25/waiting-for-the-man/

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