Original Articles

Pakistan’s Top 5 Liberal Fascists – by Razzak Memon

Hamid Mir hates liberal fascism

Editor’s Note: Our contributer, Razzak Memon, has provided us a list of 5 whom he defines as “liberal fascist”. Please bear in mind that while we support his right to express his views, we do not agree with the full article. For instance, we feel that there are some notable differences that Razzak does not highlight in the current post, e.g., the fact that aside from Tariq Ali, none of the other four have a natural head of hair; sorry, Javed, we think you are wearing a topi, shrouding your brain, especially donated by your friends in Aabpara. Also, aside from Imran Khan, all the four others have a moustache.

In a time when definitions are constructed on whim and when semantic jugglery and out of context facts are liberally used, it would be sad to miss out on all the fun of being judgmental in Pakistan.

Lately, both the terms liberal and liberal fascists have gotten a bad rap
which they clearly don’t deserve. In order to take the stigma out of these terms, here is a list of five luminaries who are not only great liberals but even better liberal fascists. As Hamid Mir, our best journalist has demonstrated time and time again, one can be very liberal with linguistics, common sense and meaning and define anything to mean anything! In that regard, why should the words liberal and liberal fascists be any different.

Essentially, most upper middle class Pakistanis are liberal. We are talking about the urban elite as this segment is the only one that matters in the national discourse. Of course even within this elite, the only narrative that is important is the Punjabi-Mohajir, Sunni-Wahabi construct which we call our national ideology. Those who don’t subscribe to it and insist on such Hindu-Jewish ideas such as diversity, are of course TRAITORS and are likely to be Amrikan (if they are white) or RAW (if they are dark skinned) agents.

As for the other sects and religions and those impure folk traditions, they are not good for us and need to be put in the same dustbin that harbours the rif raf of our sub-nationalist groups like the Pushtuns, Sindhis, Seraikis and Baltits. The Baluchis are the utter scum as they don’t want us to decide what to do with their minerals and gas and are getting too uppity.

As I was saying, most of us are a liberal lot. We only imbibe single malts, wear fashionable dresses, have the right country club memberships and of course, possess an affected accent that is right out of the Oxbridge manual for elitist Pakistanis. Most importantly, we are very liberal with the truth and context. Of course, we will not be strict in such definitions as that would make us illiberal which we are not.

For instance, we will accept Mosh Zaidi as he has such a cute American accent and has an amazing chameleon like ability to change his views. We will also accept Urdu medium types like Javed Chaudhry because for all his faults, he too is liberal as our evidence will highlight. Only liberal people fool around and are not hypocritical about it.

In order to take the stigma out of these terms, here is a list of five luminaries who are not only great liberals but even better liberal fascists. And here, we don’t mean fascist in a bad way. Just like the Taliban, these are the “good” fascists. They are those who use all kinds of vague, ambiguous and shifty discourse to make sure that the “strategic depth” initiatives of the security establishment are always supported.

They may sound mildly critical of the Taliban but fully support the Taliban conquest of Afghanistan and are always ready to dilute any actual criticism of the Taliban by a variety of different tactics which include diversions, deflections and false analogies. However, these individuals are dear to us and for their combined effort in supporting the Taliban who are good fascists; we have termed their supporters, the liberal fascists.

Here they are, in order of the frequency of their appearance in Pakistani and international media:

1) Mosharraf Zaidi
2) Javed Chaudhry
3) Imran Khan
4) Tariq Ali
5) General Hamid Gul

Mosh Zaidi

His full name is Mosharaf Zaidi. However given the fact that he is a rap aficionado and is liberal, we took the liberty of calling him Mosh Z. Sounds so much more cooler, doesn’t it.

Since the murder of Shaheed Taseer, Mosh Z has rebranded himself as a liberal and is winning hearts and minds and (probably even more dollars) and is the voice of Pakistan on CNN and Al Jazeera; something he aspired to since his Karachi American School days. We think USAID is doing a fantastic job by throwing money at him; especially since he promotes the same line that is promoted by the other liberal fascists, i.e., the cause of extremism in Pakistan is the US invasion of Afghanistan.

We also really appreciated his recent trip to India (on their government’s dime) and his splendid refusal to his hosts to NOT visit the site of the 26/11 Mumbai attacks. This would have been insulting to our national hero, Hafiz Saeed and to our true Mard-e-Momin, Chief Pontiff of the Judiciary, His Holiness Chaudhary Iftikhar who freed Hafiz Saeed on the basis of “insufficient evidence”. Mosh Z was simply being deferential to our other national heroes by refusing the requests of his hosts; the same national heros who are filling the streets of Lahore with thousands of Pro Blasphemy law supporters and whose lawyers showered petals on Taseer’s murder.

As someone who is such a sincere supporter of Islamofascism, we salute Mosh Z as our number one liberal fascist. If the ISI were to pick a spokesperson to advocate the cause of the Taliban, they could not have chosen a better one than Mosh Z.

When world attention was on Pakistan, Mosh said exactly the same thing as another top liberal fascist, Imran Khan did; that the cause of religious extremism in Pakistan was the US “occupation” of Afghanistan; an occupation that is part of an official NATO presence with UN mandate.

He is so right. The cause of religious extremism in Pakistan is not the use of the country as a laboratory for Saudi-funded Wahhabism or its orientation as a military citadel of Islam to serve the interests of the ruling elite, its the Americans!

We are overjoyed that this liberal fascist son of the soil is being heard and that people are ignoring the facts that religious extremism in Pakistan was there since the inception and has lead to much violence after Zia ul Haq used the State itself to spread extremism and violence. This explanation is not a liberal interpretation of the truth but completely mired in boring facts and as elitist liberals, we reject this notion completely!

We wish him the best of luck in his financial endeavours and hope that USAID gives him a raise over the $38,000/= USD it paid him for a 2 month project on SME development. This project that still gave Mosh Z plenty of time to speak out of both sides of his mouth on our nightly independant media, another great quality of liberal fascists. After all, they have to be financially savvy and cater to the demands of their various donors and sponsors.

However, no one can accuse them of being unpatriotic because no matter which side of their mouth they are speaking of, they remain loyal to the folk traditions of Rawalpindi, Aabpara and Muridke.

And to the detractors of our top 5 liberal fascists, especially Mosh Z. Its none of your business where Mosh Z earns his money from or how his various donors affect his ability to be an analyst. He is a liberal fascist, not an independent and objective analyst!

A series of posts on the remaining dignitaries will be published in the next few days on these pages. Stay tuned!

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  • Why do you guys break up an article in pieces? For heaven’s sake, it is an op-ed, not a soap opera like Uncle Urfi.

    Roll out the rest of it as one composite piece that can then be shared.

    BTW, a more appropriate label to describe the five gentlemen would have been “Islampatriots” or Sharia-Bolseheviks

  • plz refrain from using the term ‘liberal fascist’, its ridiculously stupid creation of fanatics. You can change it with pseudo-liberal or #FCS, which is more suitable for these crooks.

  • @Shahid, @Tarek,
    I think these LUBP wallas and their contributers are making fun of the “liberal fascist” tag that was used as a pejorative by Jamaat-e-Islami types like Hamid Mir to pillory and abuse anyone who opposed the Taliban. They have flipped it around and are hitting back at the top Taliban supporters in Pakistan.

  • Good one. That’s what I noticed as well. Before taseer’s death, Mosh Z was hurling accusations at writers like Fasi Zaka, Najam Sethi, Irfan Hussain and Nadeem F. Paracha for being oriantalists and western propagandists who have big readerships in India. But lo and behold, all of a sudden, this self-claimed mouthpiece of patriotism and nationalism did an about turn of not only jumping in to become the mouthpiece of pakistani liberals, but went on a paid trip to India!!

    This guy is a double-faced man. You are right, because whenever he gets on his high horse and preach patriotism, some one should ask him about the tons of money he is making through USAid and some British organizations.

    Mosh baby is a smoother and more subtle version of Zaid Hamid.

  • Haha.

    given the fact that he is a rap aficionado and is liberal, we took the liberty of calling him Mosh Z. Sounds so much more cooler, doesn’t it.

    Yet is does : )

  • Honestly, I have barely read one article by this guy sometime ago. Could not figure out what he was trying to say and never read him again. But now I see he has become some big name journo. Why waste space on characters that are found aplenty in the Pak media?

    I have not even heard him to say that he really has some American accent, can someone post a video so that we can figure out which part of the US his accent is from?

    Except for Hamid Mir who tries to portray himself as the dean of Pakistani anchors, others are not just not worth the time and effort to waste your writing talent on.

  • You guys are doing Pakistan a favour. Exposing Mosharraf Zaidi is important. He is a big name, but is riding on the coat tails of falsehood. He is deliberately making money (attends briefings, ISI, US, UK) from all donors at exorbitant rates from money that should help Pakistan, not his bank balance. His one unforgiveable sin is using the death of taseer to propel himself internationally as a liberal, whereas none of the things he has written an ever put him in trouble in the eyes of the reactionaries. He used the sacrifices of others to help himself again. Forgive me here, but he is an as***e.

  • Mosharaf Zaidi is a very respectable journalist and unlike you sellouts, he is correct on blaming America for the Taliban. So what if he takes money. That is part of the game. You people are shameless in exposing these things. Will you even spare senior activists like S. Munawar Hasan and other Jamaat Islami luminaries.

  • @anon@Bhattisahib, please provide any details wrt Mosh’s monetary collections and benefits.
    @LUBP, you should keep exposing this lifafa media like Mosh Z!

  • August 17 which marks the death of Zia-Ul-Haq, who ruled the country for a long period? The Zia regime is deeply itched on the memory of the peoples of Pakistan that they get fussy about the anniversary of his death every year. What he did in his period is enough to shape the political landscape of the country.
    The challenges that the country is facing are most attributed to his unforgettable period which smashed the country into smithereens. It is the Gospel truth that he had contributed to a large number of political, economical and social problems and even after having been passed away, his name is not consigned to oblivion by virtue of his ill deeds and minimum assessment of his period will enable us to anticipate the genesis of imposing problems prevalent in his era.
    The deleterious Zia legacy has adverse effects on the country. His external and internal misconceived policies led to political instability and gave way to the mushrooming of religious extremists, inducing the military take on the mantle of power. When Pakistan launched a campaign led by the American administrative to roll back the soviet occupation in Afghanistan, it made the country bog down in war of unpredictable consequences. During the Zia era, the country plunged into multiple crisis, political instability, and financial imbalance and there is common perception in the country that his being lingering over the power attributed to fragile structure of the country. He threw away all democratic values which were bedrock on which the ideology of the country, rested. Instead, he advocated his own religion which was tinged with his undemocratic and Islamic values, undermining the foundation of Islamic democratic rule. He was fond of parochination in politics. It is a good lesson for the nation in future. We must support democracy to prevail for our solutions.

  • @javed Khan
    “Will you even spare senior activists like S. Munawar Hasan and other Jamaat Islami luminaries.”

    I sure as hell hope you are being sarcastic. If not, then certainly a person who thinks people like Munawar Hussain as luminaries is certainly going to be bugged by the criticism against so-called patriots like Mosh Zee.

    His has always been an open case of sheer hypocrisy. But now that he is opening his mouth more often, this hypocricy is bound to get even more highlighted.

  • And I’d rather have Mosh moshing more about his love for rap music and dollars than give us lectures on patriotism and policy. He is the kind of a fool who thinks he can fool all the people all the time. Apprently not.

  • @Tauqeer, you and this LUDP (thank you Samad Khurrum for this acronym, Let us DESTROY Pakistan) are a bunch of traitors. Mosh Z, Samad Khurrum and Jamaat Islami are the true patriots of Pakistan. I am sick of this criticism of great journalists like Hamid Mir, Ansar Abbasi and Cyril Almeida at LUDP!

  • Huh? Who the hell’s Samad Khurrum??

    And Javaid, you ARE being sarcastic. 😉

    Nevertheless, Moshy Z is in the dock.

  • Isnt cyril almeida a non muslim? How can non muslim be a true patriot in the land of pure? Doesnt make sense

  • kindly include Tahira Abdulah’s name in liberal fascist list. She is also a life time member of Ghariat brigade as well as staunch supporter of so called sovereignty.

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