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Rant of the day: The dead parrot

By Dr. Omar Ali

Communications from well meaning leftist friends indicate that some of them misunderstand my criticism of Islamism. They seem to think that my objection is primarily moral. That I somehow think orthodox Islam is very uniquely evil and that I don’t know that capitalism and imperialism and Christian evangelicals and Sarah Palin are even more evil and why don’t I give the Islamists a break since they are at least fighting against imperialism and yadda yadda yadda, you get the picture.

I understand why this misunderstanding arises; it arises because some leftists (especially in the US, where the left is not a viable political force and so attracts dreamers more than doers) are moralists and puritans at heart and see everything in moral terms. So for all these good friends, my rant of the day:

My criticism of mullahism or Zaid Hamid style burger jihadis or ISI-style sophisticated and underhanded jihadists is not primarily moral (it is PARTLY moral). My biggest complaint is that the parrot is DEAD! It died 800 years ago in Baghdad. He has ceased to be! he’s expired and gone to meet his maker. He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! His metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

I am not saying the capitalism or imperialism or whatever are OK and only mullahism is a problem. I am saying this dead parrot is a bloody distraction from the LIVE debates we could be having. It may be hard to say what the morally correct choice is in case A or case B, but its much easier to dismiss the choices that are no longer viable and have already visibly decayed and started to rot. THIS is not a viable parrot.

Finally, I do NOT mean to imply that “Islam” is the dead parrot we are talking about. Islam is alive as long as Muslims are around and surely they are going to be around for a long long time (If I remember correctly, in the classic sci-fi novel Neuromancer, they are even floating around smoking ganja in that orbiting space station where the Tessier-Ashpooles live, though I may be mixing things up here; on the other hand, there were no Muslim characters in the original Star Trek; make of that what you will). Islam will continue to grow and evolve and will be adapted to many things, as it has been in the past. But the dead parrot of the caliphate and “return to original purity” is the mother of all dead ends. To waste time and lives trying to revive that particular parrot is a waste and I am sure we can all agree that waste is not good.

Source : Dr. Omer Ali’s FB  Notes

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  • The Dead Parrot
    The new and improved
    mbokhari: Hello, I wish to support democracy.
    Recylist: We’re closing for Jumma prayers.
    mbokhari: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this retarded message you posted.
    Recylist: Oh yes, the, uh, the Khilafah. What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?
    mbokhari: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. It’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!
    Recylist: No, no, ‘it’s uh,…it’s resting.
    mbokhari: Look, matey, I know a dead system of government when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
    Recylist: No no it’s not dead, it’s, it’s restin’! Remarkable system, the Khilafah, innit, eh? Beautiful Council of Ulema!
    mbokhari: The Ulema don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.
    Recylist: Nononono, no, no! It’s resting!
    mbokhari: All right then, I’ll ask pkpolitics posters! ‘Hello, Mister member of the Ummah! I’ve got a lovely fresh Khali Lifafah for you if you wake up…

    (Recyclist copies the whole Hizb-ut-Tahrir website and pastes it 10 times.)

    Recylist: There, the Ummah moved!
    mbokhari: No, it didn’t. That was not your own writing! You copy pasted without attribution. You plagiarized.
    Recylist: I never!!
    mbokhari: Yes, you did!
    Recylist: I never, never, ever, never did anything…
    mbokhari: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely had enough of this. That system of government is definitely deceased, and when we dumped it not 14 centuries ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged Jewish conspiracy.

    Recylist: Well, it’s…it’s, ah…probably waitng for the Khaleefah!. 9/11! Northwoods!
    mbokhari: WAITING for the KHALEEEFAH?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?,
    Recylist: The Khilafah is just waiting for Muslims to wake up! Remarkable system of government, isn’t it, sir? Lovely draft constitution! See our website

    mbokhari: Look, I took the liberty of examining that website and I discovered that you guys are amusing little pests. Please continue amusing us 🙂


    Recylist: Well, of course the Ummah is only waking up now. You see, you can’t stop talking about the Khilafah, can you? We will conquer Pluto. We will take over Togo and Fiji. We will kill all the Parsis. The Khilafah is coming!!!! VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

    mbokhari: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this system wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! It’s bleeding’ demised! And, one more thing, nobody is talking about the Khilafah except you guys! YOU bring it up all the time! YOU spam every thread with this Lifafah which is Khali!

    Recylist: No no! It’s not Khali. It’s waiting! It’s waiting for the Muslims to wake up.
    It’s not waiting!
    It’s passed on!
    This system is no more!
    It has ceased to be!
    It has expired and gone to meet ‘its maker!
    It’s a stiff!
    Bereft of life, It rests in peace!
    If you hadn’t been spamming this website It’d be pushing up the daisies!
    Its rational reasons for being are now ‘history!
    ‘It’s off the twig!
    It’s kicked the bucket,
    It’s shuffled off it’s mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!!






    Recylist: Well. I will pray for you. (O God, destroy the infidels and those Muslims, kafirs really (I just gave a fatwa), who laugh at us. Oh, how they laugh at us !!!)



    (thread goes dead…crickets chirp, the wind whistles. Babies cry.)



    Recylist: Indeed! these are irrefutable arguments that shake and expose the very foundation of grocery totes and brown paper bags!

    Recylist: The word “Gro” and “cery” comes from ancient Greek, AND, was only invented in 1576!

    Recylist: Only Khali Lifafah can provide the modern convenience of comfort and durability! It says so in our advertising, so it must be true!

  • The British have been supporting Khilafa for a very long time. From @lota’s link:
    “…in 1789 when Tipu Sultan, as a gesture of defiance against the Moghuls, paid formal allegiance to the Ottoman Caliph who, in return sent Tipu a sanad (charter of office) and Khil’at(robes of investiture) as ruler of Mysore. Tipu is a legendary figure in Indian history as a fighter against expanding British colonial rule. In 1798, therefore, at British request, the Ottoman Caliph sent a letter to Tipu, telling him that the British were his friends and asking him to refrain from hostile action against them.
    The letter was sent to Tipu not directly but through Lord Wellesly who was leading the British forces against Tipu ! Tipu replied to the Caliph, professing devotion but also telling him that the Caliph was too far away to know the situation in India. He cheekily invited the Caliph to join hands with him so that, together, they may throw out the infidels!”
    This is corroborated at the page 12 of this “Pan-Islamism: Indian Muslims, the Ottomans and Britain“

  • This was a central thesis of both Marx and Lenin, that the real class struggle is fought in real politics of day to day life of the workers ( or of other classes). That is why he opposed the Eutopean Communists as there discussions do not have relevance to the real politics. And it is a matter of fact, biggest evil or not, the mullah brigade is the most real reactionary political reality in pakistan and way to powerful than the influence of the imperialists. Whoever denies this does not understand politics of Pakistan a bit and is only following old rhetoric.

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